who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Found the puke drawer
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
