remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
