For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
