I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When are your genitals available?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
