you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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