a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
