Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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