Your face is a jimmy john
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Of course I have a pirate flag
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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