sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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