Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
