they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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