If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
