Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
