I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
