We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
