they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
