Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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