Duck Duck Cougar?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
