He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
