I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
