oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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