He is an equal opportunity slut.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
