I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
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You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.