If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
