ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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