PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Operation Purity has been aborted
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
