I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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