everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
