made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize