I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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