i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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