words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
