so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
