I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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