I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
