piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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