He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
