who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
