Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
