You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
