it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
