You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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