someone get that fucking seahorse.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
