Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
