It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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