I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it's like heaven, but drunker
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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