So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
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Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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