the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
