We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
