You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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