Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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