i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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