i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
