You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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