I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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