why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
