Please, let me fuck your mom
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
