Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
