Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
