I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
