Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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