I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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