If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
