im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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