Do you still have your period?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
