I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
