I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
