If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
