Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
