i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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