Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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