sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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