evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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