I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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