I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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