I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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