The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
